Friday, September 21, 2007

Separation Issues

I am having a rough day (week really) and would love some feedback from any of my readers (both of you) on this subject.
Isaac has been sleeping in my room since he was born. He does not sleep in the bed with us, I can't sleep like that, but he is in the pack and play next to me. He does have his own room. There were several reasons I started this. First, Isaac is breastfed. He gets up at night to eat, usually just once but sometimes twice with the second really just being very early in the morning when I want to go back to sleep. His room is on the other side of the house and it is hard to hear him and get over there to feed him when I am groggy in the middle of the night. Second, I have been nervous. I know that many mothers are, but having had a very sick preemie before, and now knowing parents of children who have died from SIDS, I have really just been scared to leave his side.
I never had any problem with the arrangement until now. I have actually been fine with getting up and feeding Isaac. In fact, I usually woke up a bit before him. A lot of people have advised me that he should sleep through the night and that I should let him just cry it out. I think that is fine for other people, but the method just doesn't feel right for me. I can certainly handle letting him fuss a little, but I see no point in letting him cry for long periods of time. I think babies go through a lot in their first year and sometimes they need a little food or just the comfort of nursing in the middle of the night. I don't think he is going to starve without it or something, I just want to make sure his needs are met. Is it really realistic for babies to sleep through the night? I don't sleep through the night myself, and didn't before I had him either.
The problem now is that Isaac seems to be waking more than he used to. He makes little noises and I get up and give him his binky, and he goes back to sleep, but this sometimes happens a lot, resulting in a lot less sleep for me. Now, when he gets up to eat, I am not awake and okay like I used to be. I am tired and sometimes can't even get my eyes open when I feed him. He goes right back to sleep, but may still make noises and wake me a few more times.
I am sure the solution to this is to put him in his own room to sleep. It is just so difficult. I wish I had started him off in there,because now it is so hard to change. I am too tired most nights to try it, not to mention still being so nervous about what might happen. I had really hoped he would start sleeping through the night before I had to move him.
Anyway- right now he is asleep in his own room, so I guess I am trying it out. I will post tomorrow on the results. Right now, I don't even want to go to bed. I wish I could just stay up all night with his monitor making sure he is okay.....
Isaac turns 4 months this coming week and I just feel like the worst mommy in the world. Am I the only one with a 4 month old in the room, who doesn't sleep through the night? The one nice thing is that I have no problem getting Isaac to sleep. He goes to sleep very easy. He just can't stay that way for more than 5 hours at a time.


Nancy Brown said...

Oh .. I think I am one of the 2!! I had the hardest time with Ty in another room but I couldn't have him in there with me any longer. I was not breastfeeding when we brought him home. He did have the breastmilk but it was frozen so I still had to get up. He had his monitor but that is what kept me up the most.

Issace is pretty much out of the woods for SIDS ( not to discount your feelings) so hopefully that helps a little. A monitor in your room and some time between getting him when he fusses is fine. I don't agree with crying it out either. So I don't blame you for not doing it. When Ty was smaller I would wake up for everything. Then as I got more tired I would lay in bed and until he got way crying or really awake I would go get him. Usually I would do the binkie thing sometimes I would feed him and he usually went back to sleep. He did somtimes make it back in my room but just start out with him in his bed.

One book I LOVED when I thought we had outgrown the paranoid preemie mom was the baby whisperer. She gave some really good pointers on how to get them to sleep and for awhile they worked for Ty. After each surgery he had issues and still does and doesn't sleep through the night... but a good five hour stretch is worth it.

Oh and don't be sad.. Ty slept in my bed last night. Not just next to it or on the floor inbetween D and I...... I guess we are both bad moms!!!

Karen said...

Maybe I shouldn't say anything - with my older two who were breastfed, they were both in my room until they were over a year old! Neither one slept through the night until they were toddlers. Having them in our room worked OK for me. I never did the cry-it-out method, and they now sleep in their own beds in their own room, unless someone has a nightmare. My little guy with CdLS is my best sleeper, and that is probably because he is tube fed all night long!
Don't worry - you'll figure out what works for you, and don't feel guilty about whatever you choose to do.

Andrea said...

Erin, You know I didn't let Cayden cry it out until he was 6 months right? And by then I was so exhausted I didn't have much choice because I was waking up with him on my own and working the next day. You got to do what works for you. The Baby Whisperer was great, just like Nancy said. There is also a book called The No Cry Sleep Solution, I haven't read it, but it was given to me as a present with rave reviews. Maybe check that out? Crying it out is heartbreaking, and you really just have to push it through even though you're hurting if thats what you decide. Regardless of what you decide consistancy is SOO important. Don't decide to Cry It Out in the beginning of the night then not do it later. I love you!